Nighttime Comics Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

TV's top entertainers devoted the broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently launched visa program, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency arrangement for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Take

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas tune directed at the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he touches."

The subject was the new program that permits overseas citizens to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of a million dollars, or "top-tier" version for 5 million. The program's portal guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note here to rich immigrants: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wanting to hire skilled workers, with large payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit rich foreigners to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining poll numbers during financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.