Look Past All the Artisanal Fromage: French Potato Chips Represent Utterly Decadent.

I recently was staying in the French countryside, which was on its best behaviour. Elegant, shimmering illuminations, market stalls stacked with beautifully vibrant produce, and a vast array of cheeses to coat every mile of the Chunnel with dairy fat. Piled platters of lustrous seafood on ice glimpsed through steamy café panes. As I watched a lengthy yet well-mannered line of stylish locals picking up their craft Christmas cakes, I mused, with some guilt, that my native city, York, which turns into a modern reimagining of Hogarth’s Gin Lane over the holidays with vape pens in festive pie flavours and BuzzBallz, could learn several tips.

The Sophisticated Front

Yet this entire “art de vivre” stuff is merely a polished mask – The nation succumbs just as easily to its lowest desires like any other place. Just go into any grocery store to witness it. The crisp aisle constitutes a temple of indulgence, stacked with the likes of *bleu d'Auvergne*, chickpea fritter, beer-braised beef and *beurre salé* tastes. Who eats chips that taste of butter? It is reminiscent of a product found at one of those American fairs where they deep fry sticks of butter. An entertainer has asserted they are the ultimate chip she’s ever tasted, but she’s obviously fallen victim to an instance of local propaganda – she grew up in Brittany.

International Unregulation

I know the crisp flavouring industry internationally is as lawless and unregulated as major tech firms. Nobody seems willing to let potato be potato, adorned only rightly by a modest application of seasoning. We have a checkered past with crisp flavours in the UK, particularly during the festive period. Not long ago, after all, gave us festive-spiced tortilla chips and special-release pastry-and-meat potato snacks. And who could forget the instance where a famous high-street chain believed “sparkling wine and seasonal fruit” made for a good idea for a savoury snack? I expected more of the land of Escoffier.

What is the logical conclusion? Foie gras crisps? Cream puff crisps? Tobacco-flavoured chips? It's best I halt, lest I provide inspiration.