Embracing Rejection: Lessons from Five Decades of Creative Experience

Experiencing denial, especially when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. Someone is declining your work, giving a definite “Nope.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I commenced proposing articles 50 years back, just after completing my studies. From that point, I have had multiple books turned down, along with article pitches and many essays. In the last two decades, specializing in commentary, the rejections have multiplied. On average, I get a rejection every few days—totaling over 100 annually. Overall, rejections in my profession exceed a thousand. By now, I might as well have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

So, is this a complaining rant? Absolutely not. As, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have come to terms with rejection.

How Have I Accomplished It?

Some context: Now, nearly everyone and their relatives has rejected me. I haven’t kept score my success rate—it would be very discouraging.

A case in point: not long ago, a newspaper editor turned down 20 pieces one after another before approving one. A few years ago, over 50 publishing houses rejected my book idea before someone approved it. Subsequently, 25 agents passed on a book pitch. A particular editor even asked that I send articles less frequently.

My Steps of Setback

Starting out, every no stung. I took them personally. It seemed like my creation was being turned down, but who I am.

As soon as a submission was turned down, I would begin the process of setback:

• First, disbelief. How could this happen? How could these people be ignore my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Certainly you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an mistake.
• Then, dismissal. What can editors know? Who appointed you to decide on my labours? It’s nonsense and your publication is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, frustration at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, negotiating (preferably mixed with optimism). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, sadness. I’m not talented. Additionally, I can never become accomplished.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Excellent Examples

Naturally, I was in excellent company. Accounts of authors whose work was originally declined are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was initially spurned. If they could persevere, then possibly I could, too. The sports icon was cut from his high school basketball team. The majority of US presidents over the past six decades had earlier failed in elections. The actor-writer says that his movie pitch and desire to appear were rejected numerous times. He said rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and persevere, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, as I reached my senior age, I reached the last step of rejection. Understanding. Today, I grasp the various causes why an editor says no. For starters, an publisher may have just published a like work, or have something underway, or simply be contemplating something along the same lines for someone else.

Or, less promisingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or maybe the reader feels I lack the credentials or stature to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the field for the work I am peddling. Or was busy and scanned my work too quickly to see its abundant merits.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Any work can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Certain reasons for rejection are always beyond your control.

Within Control

Some aspects are your fault. Admittedly, my proposals may sometimes be ill-conceived. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the idea I am trying to express is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Or an aspect about my writing style, notably dashes, was offensive.

The essence is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve published two books—my first when I was in my fifties, the next, a personal story, at older—and over 1,000 articles. These works have appeared in newspapers major and minor, in diverse platforms. My first op-ed appeared in my twenties—and I have now written to that publication for 50 years.

However, no bestsellers, no book signings at major stores, no features on TV programs, no presentations, no prizes, no big awards, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can more easily accept rejection at this stage, because my, humble achievements have cushioned the jolts of my many rejections. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all today.

Valuable Setbacks

Denial can be educational, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will probably just keep taking rejection incorrectly. What insights have I learned?

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